She had never been there before
She had never been there before. It was so… loud and bright. So much more than her senses could assimilate. Definitely more than she could cope with, let alone enjoy.
Remembering the lengthy weighing up process that she had pushed herself through before the final decision to attend, she was regretting the outcome of that deliberation from the depths of her gut. No good would come of it and she was already starting to succumb to the loss of control and pain.
Many would, on seeing her, not realise the straits that she was in. Some would perceive her discomfort as enjoyment. All she knew was that she had no idea how to end this situation – how to get out of it, to end the ordeal.
Why did she always get herself into such positions? Her inner torment was self-sustaining and self-reinforcing. She had caused herself to be where she was and could blame nobody else for her pain.
At the same time, though, that felt so refreshing – a relief. Usually her pain and suffering was delivered at the hands of another.