Life does not have the same feel to it anymore. Food does not taste the same anymore. There is a limit to how joyful I can become. There is a limit to how close people can get to me. Ever since you left, I really never been the same. You were my best friend and I was always close to you. I really wish it was some bargain I could have made or something I could have done to prevent it. When I saw you in the hospital, I knew, but I remained hopeful. But I knew. I just did. I didn’t, and sometimes still don’t see the point in continuing to live.

It’s just not fair. Even at the funeral, I didn’t cry because I was just in so much pain. I hated everything afterward and blamed everyone. I couldn’t stand life much after and thought to myself that no one should get close to me. I love you very much grandma. Please meet me when I go upstairs.