“Five hundred?” Pastor Dave asked. “I’ll give you a thousand if you take out a few deacons on the way.”

“Deal,” said Edmund the Extractor.

They walked out of the study into the hallway of the church, Edmund’s diaper-launcher in hand. The geriatric zombies clearly had enough time to formulate a plan. Two captured his attention, slowly creeping towards him, while another one, hidden in a closet, lunged out and swung its cane, knocking the diaper-launcher into the air.

Fortunately, when the decoys dove (fell) to catch the launcher, they were unable to get back up. Edmund picked up the launcher popping off his last rounds as they exited into the sanctuary. A pack of young zombies, the teens who’d been attacked earlier, had all exits covered. Edmund surveyed his utility-belt and pondered his options, deciding to use the modified i-pod.

The hip teenage zombies began moving in rhythym to the beat of “Jesus Walks.” The paths to the doors emptied.

“Run!” he yelled.

He smiled, another job well done.