A great story idea, but it seems like you got really rushed writing it. There are lots of extra words in odd places, and at one point he says, “I was an old man…” which made me think it was a dream or something. And it might be helpful to find a way to distinguish the dialog from the narration.
LoA

I felt the same way and also noticed the “I was an old man” thing, which was confusing. Great idea, and nothing a little editing can’t fix right up.

opps! typo! thanks THX and thebetweenspace!