Un-freaking-believable! Goddess, these mammals! And the fish is no bloody better!

They have no clue – no clue at all – what a truly frustrating life is!

Oh, I know what they think. They don’t know it, but I can hear every thought that goes through their pathetic brains.

The stupid dog’s biggest complaint is the little girl squealing in his face and the teenager playing his music too loud? Boo-hoo! And why can’t he figure out that he shouldn’t bark if he doesn’t want to get in trouble for it?!

The cat’s a little more reasonable. I mean I could understand not being allowed to go outside. But cry me a river, buddy! You have it made!

The fish… Well, I guess her life’s pretty dull. Nothing compared to mine, thought.

And, of course, Bozo the Clown. I bet he wouldn’t complain if he knew what the pets were thinking!

Then again, if he really wants a simple (read: boring as all hell!) life, he should take my place. Life as an African violet ain’t all rainbows and gumdrops, pal! At least he has a name!