I’m terrified in love.

Utterly, bewilderingly, happily terrified.

And I want to spend the rest of my life with you in my arms, laughing together as the sun dips behind desert volcano vistas, eyelids heavy with the weight of Jemez splendor. We will be so happy.

And then I’m terrified again.

Because I’m not sure. Because I can never be sure. Because I’m bursting at the seams with avalanches of insecurities and as much as I’d like for your fingertips to sweep them tenderly away, it won’t happen.

Love is a gamble.

The root of my fears is a sniveling voice reminding me how little you and I have in common. The voice is nothing. But it gets to me, still, and I find myself lacking reassurance. Are we enough alike? My doubts come and go as they please.

But I love you, and in this gamble I am all in. I’ll wager all I am and more for you, concerns be damned. Can faith and hope and love overcome all obstacles? Can determination make us work?

I wish I wasn’t torn inside, but it can’t be helped.

Never look back.