Sequel all over this….

Ooh, well there’s a shocker. Here I thought he loved her, but she’s his sister? The dialog could have used a bit of breaking up (spacing), and definitely could have used more ‘he said/she said’ to clarify who is talking. All of that can feel clunky and in the way, I know, but it can also force you to be a bit more inventive, replacing ‘said’ with alternatives that give more detail about how the conversation is going.
LoA