The reversal is fantastic, especially for such a short piece, but I think you’re flailing too much around it. We don’t need to know that much about the game, I think, when what we really want is just a little more about the relationships between these people. (Not much! I think your instinct is just right to keep us wanting.) The games/secrets theme is terrific, and in so few words!

There’s a five-star vignette in here, but it needs some more clay pulled away first, I think.

Thanks, Will. I really had to do some pruning of the initial concept I’d written to fit in the 1024 limit, so I agree on the whole editing point.

I’m a verbose dude by nature and my natural inclination is to over-write, so I’m glad to hear that I’m not the only one.

I may eventually use this as the jumping-off point for NaNoWriMo this year, but I don’t want to paint myself into a corner.

Thx as always for the feedback!

You write in a very intellectual way. highly intelligent, interesting original way. never played Verboten, so I was a bit lost.. intriguing concept.
Looking forward to reading more of your work.