“Bitch, you best not!” Lou Diamond Phillips exclaimed, leaping from the shadows. “Dude, it’s the middle of the day. Where the fuck did you find shadows to leap from?” I asked. Well, I WOULD ’VE asked, if he hadn’t fed me my own balls through my ass. Instead I just lay on the ground trying to figure out if feeding me my own balls through my ass was even possible. Or made sense. “Now you will realize the fury of-” But he was cut short, for a pack of rabid yoga instructors emerged from pools of boiling hot lava which had formed on the sidewalk next to a peacock who was now on fire and screeching and dying and taking all the attention away from me like a little spoiled bitch man I fucking hate peacocks and they threw shit (literally shit) and LDP and he was now pissed off and that’s where I blacked out. I don’t think there’s really a “medical” reason why I blacked out, but like I said, I HAD MY OWN BALLS FED TO ME THROUGH MY ASS .