Westley was alive.

As it turns out, he’d spent several years developing an immunity to bitter chocolate, and nothing can stop true love. He was back in mask and full pirate garb, and riding away on a white horse with the beautiful princess Buttercup.

Finally, they stopped for a tender moment. “I love you,” said Westley.

“I love you,” said Buttercup.

And though they were both terribly romantic people, they decided not to kiss, but maybe they could see a movie together or something.

“A movie?” said Grandpa.

The boy stopped. “Sure, Westley can afford it with his pirate gold, and they’ll share a big bucket of popcorn and be happily ever after!”

“Uh huh.”

“What?”

“Okay kid, that was fun and all, but do you want to hear how the story really goes now?”

“Um… does Westley come back?”

“I told you, he’s dead as a doornail.”

“So who’s the Dread Pirate Roberts? Somebody new? Come on, Grandpa, no secrets!”

“I’ll keep a secret if the book keeps a secret. Now let me finish, alright?”

The boy groaned. “Fine.”