The Magical Red Suede Bag Speaks

Then one day, this ordinary red suede bag, got picked up by an ordinary hand.
This ordinary hand popped this sturdy, red suede bag, which had several very reputable, very good, ordinary white important papers in it, onto an ordinary shoulder, which was attached to an ordinary body. The ordinary body took the sturdy, very good, ordinary red suede bag out into the sun for the first time.
“Wow!” said the supposdly ordinary red suede bag. “The sun is very bright!”
The ordinary body stopped, and jolted from surprise. “Baggie, you can talk!” said a very high-pitched and feminine voice.
“I’ve always talked” explained Baggie. “I talked to you when I was in the bag store. ‘Adopt me, take me home!’ I shouted, and you didn’t know this, but you listened, and did pick me out, and I chatted to you all the way home, but you just weren’t paying attention anymore.”
The women blushed and looked away embarrased. “Well” she said, “Call me Michelle.”

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