i was playing football but then i like i took a katchup bottle i took the cap off and then i squirted it at the player that was all coming towards me i was all “ahh!!! EAT KETCHUP !!” and ya know i really thought it would work, like maybe the ketchup would stain his shirt, causing him to have a panic attack, or maybe even blind him with the bright red semi-liquid. but NO. she just kepted on running at me til BAH BAM ! i was out-cold. thank gawd rod stewart suddenly jumped off the bleachers and onto the field and pushed the guy off me. otherwise i would have been a goner. guess my plan didnt work… ill never play defence again.