“Hhuuummmaaaanniittyyy” combined with a high-school play quality gesture. The undead filth seems to be trying to comunicate with me after a fashion. This really is most unusual.

I call Bella and she emerges from the bathroom hesitantly. “Careful Monty!” she shrills at me “remember the suicide bomb zombie the Zombie Capability Cabal sent here last week. This might be another attempt by them to get rid of us.”

She is right. We are the furthest frontier of humanity of our city, and rubbing us out would be a feather in the ZCC ’s cap.

I had heard rumours that they were exploring enhancing the intelligence of their rank and file, and this could be the first in a wave of duplicitous undead. What a concept!

I decide that I will try and see if I can trick it into revealing its true purpose. “So what are you doing in my house?” I enquire.

“Looooookiiiing forrrr foooooood” it rumbles. “Braaaaaaiiins are goooood”. “Stop toeing the party line!” I instruct it firmly. “Tell me what you are really doing here, or else”