I’m a little concerned that what started out as a good set between two great writers is starting to stagnate. The problem as I see it is that neither writer is willing to let their characters lose the upper hand to the other’s characters. As a result, this conflict stays at a perpetual stalemate and the action doesn’t rise. Advice: get together privately and work out between yourselves which one of you will drop some yardage on the field, so that the story can open up.

Hmmmm.. I tend to agree with you BARomero – the sparkle has left. I am going to give it some though and then do a rewrite, and shake things up a bit

OK, I have posted a new version of the story. I think this one is more interesting than my last attempt

I do like this version better, and I’ve added back a star for it. Hope atllta’s next sequel is based on this version of the story…

Okay, I came in after the rewrite, so Baromero’s first comment made no sense. But it does, in some small part, explain the extremely odd place this just went.
LoA