My parents totally flipped out after Libby got pregnant. My mum came home with a bunch of brochures for fancy-pants boarding schools and tried to convince me how “exciting” it was going to be, as if boarding school is actually a code word for Disneyland. We had about a zillion arguments, but in the end I lost and here I am sleeping in a strange bed halfway across the country, but a whole galaxy away from my friends and my dog and my life.

My room mate Cara snores like a truck driver.

I had to eat freaky cafeteria food for dinner last night and make awkward conversation with geeks in uniforms.

I’m officially “the new girl” which means people haven’t stopped staring at me for two whole days and teachers keep making me give speeches and I feel a bit like Tom Cruise after he jumped on that couch on Oprah – I’m a pariah.

I was thinking about running away and joining a circus or a cult at breakfast this morning, my bowl of cornflakes soggy and abandoned, when I heard a cough. I looked up.