Dear Conflicted:

Are you pulling my leg? Yanking my chain? Or any other colloquialism involving tugging anything of mine in the direction of yourself?

You are either using me as a sounding board for a new soap opera plot, or you have some serious problems.

My only suggestion, if you actually believe all this to be true, is to visit that pretty white building down the street. You know, the one with the nice people in white coats who give you a funny jacket and pretty candy? They’ll take care of you deary, I promise.

- Mandy