And after it was over, I began to wonder again, “What happened?”

When she left, I was able to think. My head would clear for one split moment, and then, for what seemed like hours, I would wait for the tantalizing touch again. But when I was caught in the moment of this sense enhancing playfulness, I kept thinking, “But this is so wrong!”

And after she was through, the cycle would begin again. I would begin to ponder, I would come to a conclusion, then I would begin to worry. “It’s been a while since she’s left,” I would begin, “where is she?”

Then I would begin to miss her. I knew I shouldn’t, but I did. But through all of this blindness, I manage to get few seconds of rationality. Within these moments of such thought, I wonder how I’ll put an end to this, an end to her, an end to life and an end to the endless abyss in which we may be together, even in the afterlife.

But when she returns and after she has left, I remind myself that this play we are acting out is all part of the plan.