This is good for the strong sentiment conveyed by your narrator, but there are some sections that need more development, like: For once in your life, don’t argue with me. Just come take your punishment. Or release. It’s good to be mysterious, but these lines left me wondering what you meant by “punishment or release.” Maybe add another line or two clarifying it. LoA
I totally get it, on the other hand. I read your vibe. The arguments, the discussion, the battle of wills could mean who stays and who goes, therefore a punishment or release. They could beat themselves up or feel exonerated and free. :) LoA
♠Ana Cristina♥
Valley Fey/Pinprick
Mistress Elsha Hawk
thebetweenspace