I’d failed… everything was worthless… i felt so weak and useless, like no one would ever need me. I’d failed everyone, my friends, my family, even God… I can’t believe what i did… I keep rolling up my sleeves to make sure it wasnt a dream, and when i see, I roll them back down… I’d only dreampt about pain like this, and hadn’t known what to think of others who’d felt it before. This is not the pain of heartbreak, nor the pain of cracking under pressure… no.. this is the pain of failure.

For a few seconds, i thought it was worth it, but then I broke down, and felt destroyed… defeated, and a surge of pain gripped my heart so tightly that I despised every bit of me in that instance… such self-hatred obscured all physical pain, and knowing that i hadn’t held back makes me feel even worse… and what would my friends say? they always looked to me… knowing that i was the “clean one”... but now what can i say? all i can do is weep…