“I’m an idiot,” said Franklin as he took a sip of his Synthe-Gin.

“Yep,” nodded Germley the Andropulsian barkeep, the balloon-like nose his race was famous for bobbing gently.

Franklin put his drink down. “I haven’t even told you what I’ve done yet.”

“Oh, right. Sorry, I thought we were just talking generally. So,” he reached for a nearby glass, spat in it (Andropulsian saliva has remarkably similar properties to washing-up liquid) and started to clean it. “Share.”

“There’s this girl on board,” Franklin began. “Crewman Jaim.”

“Oh, she’s spicy.”

“She is that. She’s sort-of in love with me and I think I might like her too.”

“Delicious.”

“And yet I can’t get this other girl I met out of my head. I met her on shore leave back on Titan. She’s incredible. Smart, witty, more curves than a packet of Pringles.”

“The solution here is simple: eat one now, and save one for later.”

“Hang on,” said Franklin. “Eat them?”

“Wait, no. Sorry, I keep forgetting your species doesn’t eat its own. Forget I spoke.”