kewl story.. It keeps you guessing till the end. Sequel you must!

Interesting premise. I’d be interested to see the angle the story takes from here.

If you don’t mind a little constructive criticism: Try not to mix tenses. The first two sentences are in past tense while the rest is in present tense. Keeping it the same will help with flow.

mixing tenses is my greatest folly as a writer, and I apologize

Overall, I like it. Conversation is a bit confusing (for me anyway.. You’ll find me saying that a lot.. don’t take it personally.)