It’s good, and I like the idea… but the word choice just seems like (and I hate to say it this way but I don’t know how else to express it) maybe you’re trying too hard? It’s just so… verbose.

I do concurr that the word choice could be better. I think you meant “entwine”, for one thing. Otherwise, kick butt discription of love. Very poetic. Reminds me of my friend, who has recently fallen head over heels. Makes ME happy, he’s so happy. This is like that.
LoA