I really like the story that you’re telling, but you seem to suffer from the format in a way I have seen many others suffer as well (including myself). I think the limited character limit perpetuates rushed stories that lack proper editing. Not to pick on you, because I am just as guilty, but you missed the word “he” in your first sentence and this is the second story in a row where you’ve misspelled corporeal.
I think editing is an important skill to learn, and this is a good format to practice with.

Again thanks for the honest and “critical” reviews, I truly appreciate them.
Yeah I did rush entering this one yesterday so the typos in it do not surprise.
Also I always try to go back and reread my previous stories however, its impossible to completely “self edit”. If your mind knows a “he” belongs there, it will auto add it every time. Show it to someone else and BAM ! They catch it first thing :)

I’m trying to be as constructive with my comments as possible. I feel that effective critical, along with supportive, comments are another way for me to become a better writer and hopefully help others as well. As I said in another comment somewhere, I believe being a good commenter is just as important to the community as being a good ficleter. I’m glad that you appreciate my comments, rather than hold disdain for my critical review.

I really like the title, and the story is interesting…but very vague. Maybe I’ve missed something leading up to this or you’re gonna reveal it in the next few ficlets…but I leave this story with a very big “WHY” stamped on my forehead.

@That-Guy, Yeah upon re-reading this story, it really suffers from being a middle piece and doesn’t stand alone… at all.

I really liked the line: “I could actually die hereâ€? Eric thought. He’d have been lying if he didn’t admit that notion somewhat excited him. On a bit of an anal note, in your fourth paragraph it should say, “Even more troubling than” not “then”. Great series.

@thebetweenspace – Good catch… I have the worst habit of using then for than.