Is this being told from someone else’s point of view now, or did I miss something? It seems like it, but we’re missing the transitional device that we would have seen in a more traditional format letting us know that perspective has shifted. I love the idea of shifting perspective, I just wasn’t expecting it, which makes it even better.

Yeah, sorry. I plan on telling this from several points of views…shifting between several characters. More will unfold on this…and I originally had a lot more in this bit, but the 1000-character limit killed me, and I maybe trimmed it a bit much. It is a bit unclear, though. Could have fleshed it out a bit more. More coming!

It was somewhat clear, I just wasn’t positive if that’s what you were going for or not. I like the idea, it’s just if we got this in print (or any other longer form medium) there would be some sort of transitioning device. Here, with the character limit, it’s much more difficult to signal the character switch.
If you’re only going to have a few characters, then you could signal who’s point of view it is at the beginning of each story. Or in the title somehow.

What was clear was the intensity of the moment. I actually became more aware of my own heartbeat while reading it.

Nice work, little bro!

The 1024 limit is a killer BUT I ’m seeing it as a growth challenge. Can I pare a story down to fit and still have it read the way I intended? To distill a story to it bare essence and give it more of an emotional POP .
maybe if you’d broken this into 2 ficlets you could have created a clearer transition… a little tip Ben gave me ;)

The action in this series has me literally on the edge of my seat.

man you can’t ask the writer his intention that is cheating!! come on john what you gonna do call dione warwick to channel the ghost of homer when you get lost in the iliad. but seriously it changed point of view right? just teasing

oh yeah there is no corner of tulane and canal
but tulane and carrolton is a bad neighborhood even in the future

Really? I grew up in Lowsy-ana, but only went to N.O. once or twice (and didn’t like it either time). According to googlemaps, there is an intersection…and maybe in the future, there will be! :)

I also sensed a shift in character, which means you wrote the scene well, since we’ve all noticed it.