This really is a special piece of writing. I read it today on my lunch break and was awestruck. My advice is to drop the intensity of it just a tad. Hard to criticize though, b/c it’s so well done. Keep at it, my man! 5 Stars! ~ Master Yoda

Ah, looks like Yoda already said everything that needed saying well in advance.

‘S what I get for reading old ficlets.