Very nice. Good description of the town leading up to the ominous obelisk.
You did misspell “quiet” 4 out of 4 times in the first three sentences though. =P

Grrrr! When I start misspelling something I get “consistent” and its usually: a) something simple b) always the same.

Thanks John :)

“Collatta had become a tomb and this city, a vast necropolis.”

I tend to appreciate those stand-out lines in literature a bit too much. This is one of your great lines, Kev.

Thanks Ben!
I have to admit though, that line came as a afterthought to the first paragraph. It just “felt” like it needed to be there, LOL .

I’m with Ben on that particular sentence. It really stands out…and the really good ones usually are just something you tack on at the end. Also, I’m with John on the descriptions. You really do a good job setting the mood of the “dead” city.

Great pace and well described. You’ve maintained the intrigue of the first couple segments of the story very well and without using any gimmicks or unnecessary twists and turns.