I thought it worked nicely, fair amount of new details mixed with just enough action to move things along. The calmness of the voice is a creepy touch somehow.
@THX, the calmness was originally intended to contradict the voice’s frantic tone during the first call. The dialog was also longer where it tried to calm Jessica down. The whole thing feels sloppy to me. I need to take a break from writing this for a few days until I figure out where I’m going. Thank you both for the kind comments though. I appreciate the feedback knowing that people out there are actually reading, and somewhat enjoying, this.
John Perkins
THX 0477
KevMullins
John Perkins