They were cousins; their fathers were brothers. And while they swam in adjacent laps in the genetic swimming pool, Lauren and Kristie were so lacking in similarities their classmates considered their “cousin-hood” an elaborate ruse, made up to score neighbouring seats in English class.

Lauren, the elder cuz by three months, had always been a beauty. She spent her childhood adored by passing strangers, they congratulated her parents on this goldilocked, blue-eyed belle-of-a-girl.

Kristie, on the other hand, at 16 felt “dumpy and disgusting”. She was blessed with physical attributes few teenage girls desire – big boobs, short legs, a shock of orange hair and myopic eyeballs which required optical assistance at the tender age of 8.

The Odd Couple (as christened in the staff room at Glenworth East High School). Beauty and The Beast (as suggested by the school’s resident delinquent, Mike Potter).

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a quote from Kristie’s dog-eared diary which she scribed each night by the light of her bedside lamp.