Hope it didn’t come out too awkward. I tried to weave in lines from ‘Romeo and Juliet’. I hate to give that away, but I’d love some feedback whether or not that “worked” or if it just made it sound…off.

It’s an interesting idea and worked beautifully in a few spots, but there are a couple that read very awkwardly. I think avoiding lines with archaic words (or swapping those out for modern equivalents) would resolve those few halting bits.

I’d have to say that this one read pretty awkwardly for me. I found the rapid switching back and forth between narrative style and meter to be confusing and felt it interrupted the flow as I was reading. Interesting experiment, though.

As an experiment, I think I kind of liked it. I could imagine a R & J obsessed girl might think in such terms. Blending old and new words is always an inexact science, but it flowed well, for the most part (lest and doth I of course mentally translated as I went along). Besides, I love the line and who could stop her? and its explanation.

A few minor tweaks done. Thanks for all the input, guys.

Love, her goal, lay only a car ride away, to be seized for her own this night before it can fade away, too much like lightning which ceases to be before you can say it’s there> poetic throughout

I agree with Kermitgorf. It was very poetic throughout. I liked this one. Maybe not as much as I liked the prequels but this one was still very good.

I like how you used R& J inspired themes in this one. It comes across as a very intellectual and well versed piece. People sometimes try to do this to appear to be smart. But if its done correctly, you can pull it off without looking pretentious

The Romeo and Juliet didn’t sound forced at all. I had trouble spotting the lines at first. Great job on this installment, as in the others.