OK, another great entry. But, your gonna hate me, I found the first paragraph a bit disjointed from the others. If I’m reading it correctly, it’s your main characters thoughts, what if you italicized it? It would make the transition to the rest of the piece less jarring. I know this is an “effect” of the 1024 limit. Still enjoying your series though. :)
Yeah, this was a bit of strange “filler” type entry. I’d started off with a whole different train of thought on the first paragraph, then totally shifted gears.
I don’t really think the first paragraph deserves italics, though. It’s not so much an internal dialog as it is kind of a mood-setter, if you will. I might take another look at this another day and decide to change it, though. It doesn’t really fit well into the story right there.
Since this is told in first person, I don’t see that it needs italics. And it’s more a benefit for the reader than something the narrator is internalizing. It could go either way. You did misspell “losing” in the second to last paragraph though.
Second time I’ve done that, and I thought that I was using the right word. You know, like “letting loose a whole helluva lotta bullets.” Loosing? I’ll have to check it out.
Well, the issue is that “loosing” isn’t a word that I’m aware of. “Loosening” is, but I don’t think it’s what you’re going for here. How about “spilling?”
Yeah, I guess it’s just a bad habit I’ve gotten into. Changed “loosing” to “unloading.” Writing first-person, past-tense is tough for me, I can’t think that I’ve ever done it before. So it’s kind’ve an experiment for me.
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