thats it
finally, the breaking point has been reached
the dam of my will has been broken, ripped from its moorings in a long pent up torrent of tears
i lay looking at the sky, serene, my mind working at a slow plodding pace, not really thinking, just admiring the beauty of the country that unfolded around me
and out of the depths of the deepest part of my head, comes one thought, one name, and it sticks
again and again my mind tries to purge the thought from its system, to focus on something else, but each time, that name comes back stronger than before
i climb a mountain, following a well used deer trail, taking in as much as i can, looking for something, looking for someone that isnt there, that might never be there
with each step i hope for something, an epiphany, a thought, a glimmer of normality in a world that is insane in its sanity, but nothing comes, no new perspective, no newfound happiness
i cant walk anymore, the one that i search for seems just out of reach
i collapse
i cry for her