Ground zero was in the financial district, like the terrorism experts predicted. But it wasn’t terrorism, it was just an accident. Not that it mattered really, now that the sky was burning and the rubble smoldered with white-hot radioactivity. A 15 megaton thermonuclear device was all it took to exchange 200 years of urban development for a 10-mile pile of ash, in less than a second.

I said I was sorry.

I’m still not convinced that the weapon just happened to be armed. That the safety locks just happened to be simultaneously disengaged for routine maintenance. That the targeting system was slightly miscalibrated to point at the heart of our own proud city.

But it wasn’t my fault, I swear.

I want that teacher fired. You don’t take kids on field trips on submarines armed with live nuclear warheads. And the officer leading the tour, was he responsible? What kind of vessel has a big red button protruding in the walkway marked DO NOT PUSH that launches nukes at America?

Am I the worst chaperon ever?