“You have got to get off your butt and do something productive for a change!”

I could tell she was angry. The shouting was my first clue.

“This is productive,” I said. “I’m watching Discovery.”

“For crying out loud,” she said. “You’ve been sitting on that couch so long it’s probably sampled your DNA by now and mutated into some kind of horrible sentient couch-creature.”

“Now you’re just being silly,” I said.

“Right. My mistake. Mister expert Discovery channel watcher knows all.”

“Fine, I confess. His name is Herman. He subsists on cheese doodle crumbs and spilled soda. He likes to watch Golden Girls re-runs when we’re not busy plotting against you,” I said.

She rolled her eyes and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

“It’s OK Herman,” I whispered when the coast was clear. “She’s gone.”

“It’s about time. And what the hell’s with you? Trying to blow my cover?” Herman said angrily, slapping me with an armrest.

“Sorry Herman.”

“Shut up and get me some cheese doodles,” Herman said.