I love the detail given to all the thoughts going through his mind and that last line was fantastic.

I love that you gave him cataracts and bladder problems. Really brings him to life. Great job.

TBS and John Perkins are right. Awesome job.

love that last line. reaching a crossroads, mmm.

Very attention grabbing and realistic. Like it. What’s happening next?

like the dialouge between parent and child. It’s very realistic.