Ok not to offend anyone of a specific turn… but I think I threw up a bit in my mouth as I wrote this one.
The atomic bomb of disturbing for a strait guy… having to make it with a dude.
I told you I was going for broke on this one.

Interesting. I don’t think it went too far. I don’t think it was offensive, but then again, I’m hetero. Not really any worse than what they did in The Shawshank Redemption.
I was really expecting much worse. You did a good job presenting it.
Should this line “but not tonight, before he finished” be, “but not tonight, not before he finished?”

I’m stunned that John didn’t catch this one. I think “room then clothes” should be “room, than the clothes”. The “the” can be a “their” as well.

Thanks all… I was trying to present this without going over the top or offending anyone.
I found that if you don’t get too descriptive and leave as much open to the imagination of the reader, it comes off far more powerful.

Definitely agree with you there, like the Reservoir Dogs ear scene, you think you see a lot more than you do because it makes you imagine it so vividly.

Very strong, gripping images.

“This wouldn’t take long… it never did. They would recognize him and that was it. It made him irresistible.”

That is some fantastic, taught, tense writing. Well done!

LoA