Now that’s just mean.
I’d change these two lines: “My aren’t you tasty treat!” It flashed a smile like a thousand razors glistening.
To” “My aren’t you a tasty treat!â€? Its smile flashed like the glistening of a thousand razors.
Definitely add the “a.” The other part just reads better to me this way.

Have to agree with John here. Now for the cleanup job!!

John &#8211; good calls in both places. It was another place where I read that line with the &#8220;a&#8221; in place every time. On the second, I ran out of chars so I had to drop the &#8220;flashed&#8221;.<br />Pyro – I’ll explain the “clean-up” next.
@All – I found writing this one very upsetting… I ended up on the couch with a large glass of wine, watching happy shows… It might be awhile before I pick this series back up.

Ha, I feel you there, man. I actually have written a medieval-fantasy book, but it’s never gotten out of first draft. But there’s one scene in there involving a very dark demon that, literally, took me three months to write, it was so difficult for me to visualize and describe.
I finally had to call in the calvary, in the form of a very demented friend and a lot of liquor.

The idea of the evil god as a corporeal entity is a bit disturbing. Imagine it there hiding in the hotel room during the day, or something.
Again, a superb entry.