This seems incredibly similar to my out-of-order submission. I would attribute that to the whole “great minds think alike” thing, if I were in fact, a great mind. =P
I like what you’ve done here so far, and am looking forward to find out how this plays out.
One issue I have is that it feels like you had more to say here than you were able to in the alloted space. I think this would have worked better as two separate entries, to help flesh out some more of the details.

I agree, yet I wanted to get to the meat of the story, not bore you with details.
I did cut some stuff. :(

Wow. This is quite a start. Interesting how almost all (if not all…) of the entries have had violent “beginnings.” I guess because of the whole Pulp Fiction thing, maybe. OK, time to stop babbling and click on the “sequel” button!

Congrats! You won an award in this challenge!
http://ficlets.com/stories/34540