Instructions Not Included

“You joined up with the Coalition of Nefarious Distinction expecting booze and babes? What are they teaching you kids at college now-a-days? What school do you go to?â€?

“Ohio State.â€?

I laughed so hard I had to wipe away the tears. “Well, that explains a lot. I think I’ll be doing the world a favor here.â€? I threw my hands out in his general direction, palms up, and flicked my hands downward. “Go.â€? It worked in Spiderman.

“What are you doing?â€? Mike looked confused.

“Shut up.â€? I tried again, this time palms outward. “Shabba lama ding dong.â€? Two more times. “Abracadabra.â€? Nothing.

“You’re trying to do to me what you did to that lady aren’t you.â€? Confusion obliterated by fear. “You’re trying to have that stuff eat me.â€? He curled into the fetal position; he was really good at it. “Please man. Please, just let me go.â€?

One more try. “Zoom.â€? Dammit!

I took a few steps closer to him. “This is your lucky day kid.â€? I grabbed some duct tape from a shelf and began tying him up. “I’m sure someone will find you.â€?

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