I need help! Please criticize this piece to point me in the right direction!! Thanks

Wow, I really like this one. Sadly it reminds me of me a few months ago. Sequel could be something with suicide/self harm…

This was great. I could see this as an anime series for some reason…

I really like this.. I went through the same phase when my dad died. But I got over eventually… not quite sure how.
The only thing I could think of is maybe saying “I” instead of “he,” just because it sounds more direct.
But that’s just me. It’s your writing piece. Again, nice job!