i am kind of torn because i was at first trying to look for the indictment anf then the sattire and then i realized i just needed to read it.thnx i likeit

The third paragraph does not follow the second nicely. Maybe that’s why I found the dialogue hard to follow. It’s good otherwise though.

Part of a short story that needs some work – thanks for your observations. I found them useful.

Yea, PPP ’s comment was what I was going to say. His rant is about ‘fair’, but the other character doesn’t use the word. I think the editing down process didn’t serve you well on this one.

Yeah, I’ve re-written the whole scene, completely changing directions, because all of you are right. This turn of events just doesn’t ring true. I’ll re-post later & thanks for your comments…