Just seeing what its like to write a character telling a story, dunno where this is gonna go yet

On its own, it’s kind of hard to rate as there isn’t much here. I think what you do have so far is pretty interesting, but I’ll have to read more to really make a decision.

I like this so far, but I feel like the last paragraph is big wall of text and a little hard on the eyes. Try breaking it up into separate paragraphs, if you can spare the characters.

@Ana: I wasn’t happy with the block of text either, but I had reached the character limit. I have managed to move some things around and it is split up now.

I like the start, a cute premise not just for the story but why it is being told.

I like it too. Going to read the sequel.