I have been frozen in stone for all eternity for the one sin I committed. The sin of love. The gods are not merciful and forgiving, they are harsh and exacting. They don’t want us puny humans to stray from our appointed paths. If we stray, we should be prepared for punishment.

I dared to love a woman above my appointed station in life. She was beautiful and pure, kind and generous, and betrothed to another. I got close to her every opportunity I could get.

The dude she was going to marry was complete jackass. This might be jealousy speaking, but I really think he was a jackass. She was too good to him. He didn’t deserve her, he deserved a swift kick in the butt, if I may say so.

Coming to the matter at hand, those prissy fucks in the sky decided I was sinful or whatever. They told me to lay off or face the “consequences”. Bastards, all of them. Anyway, they turned me into stone. I covered my eyes to avert the flash of light and ended up like this. Now this stupid bird won’t stop bothering me. Goddamnit.