Another solid entry. Really like the idea of trying to stop for a cup o’ synthene rather than a cup o’ joe. Though he should want to kill for “a Starbucks at the moment.” =P
Also, I think your last line could be punched up a little. Maybe “Stahl? Nick though, f’n great.” The idea is to give more of a pause between the exasperated expletive, and the dude’s name. I know there’s a comma in there, but imagine saying it out loud and see if it’s better with a longer pause.

Err, I meant “Nick thought.” Can’t edit comments. Leaving the last letter off of words is something I do quite often. Especially when it’s a “t” or an “e.”

Lost my comment. :( And I even had to juggle it into comment nirvana, go figure.

Either way, “the moment” edit could easily be “that moment” as well. And I have a bit of a gripe about the use of the word “them,” when Nick seems to be by himself. Unless the car is counted as an entity. I found myself pausing, trying to define “them” every time I saw it.

Another good piece. Hopefully I don’t lose this comment too.

And re-reading, it’s actually a single use of the word “they.” Must have lost my train of thought when I lost my comment.

Jlaughter &#8211; <em>they</em> was counting the car because of its AI.<br />John – Good edits as usual.

@Jon, I think he intended that the car has its own personality. Kind of like KITT .

Yeah, I definitely see that now, in the sequel. Just caught me off guard, I guess.

In hind site, I probably should have used “he” because I hadn’t really established the car as a full “entity” yet… It was a side effect of knowing where I was headed vs what a reader would know at this point.

I particularly enjoyed this paragraph: A quick thought popped his melatonin levels, balanced his serotonin, and threw in a touch of adrenaline for good measure. Not like the real stuff, but it would have to do… the joy of implants.

Thanks thebetweenspace! I have to admit it’s my favorite line in this piece too.