Instead of telling us what happens, why not show it? This sounds very interesting and I like your characterization of the king, but I feel like there’s no real story here.

I agree with Ana. Also, her other comment about seeming rushed is also correct. Looking at all the stories you posted today, it seems as if you had so many ideas hit you at time that you wanted to publish. It might have been better to let them linger and develope a little more.