Again i say I know im not too good at this yet but please comment and tell me how to improve.
PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE
thank you

ignoring the puncuation and capitalization errors, It was a little hard to follow. The run-on sentences and lack of spacing between narrator’s thought processes and what actually happened made it a difficult read.

ignoring the puncuation and capitalization errors, It was a little hard to follow. The run-on sentences and lack of spacing between narrator’s thought processes and what actually happened made it a difficult read.

I agree with Krulltar, nothing turns off a reader more than the dreaded “wall of text.” Try separating this into different paragraphs to help the pacing of the story, and I recommend turning on your spell-check feature when writing.

ok i’ll work on that next time thanks for commenting