Your story gave me a sudden burst of inspiration, so I posted a sequel.

Sad, though still pretty cool.
I’d like to politely suggest that you create a new paragraph for each speaker. It makes the transition easier on the reader that way. Also, an extra line between paragraphs makes it easier to read on screen. On paper, the blank line is unnecessary, but somewhat vital on the screen.

Interesting story beginning, but, like John, I found the dialog a little hard to follow.