Oooh, the girl is dead. That makes me sad but I like the motive for him to get home. Well written.

Thanks. This is my first attempt on here so I wasn’t sure how it would go over… :-)

Eh…. I don’t really like the way this turns out… it’s good writing, don’t get me wrong, but there’s just something wrong here that I feel.

What do you mean?

I don’t know… I think I just had different expectations, and this went in a completely different direction, and it kind of rubbed me the wrong way, I guess.