Other than starting off with a typo (should be “sweat”), I think you did a good job here. Very cool, tense scene. Interested to see if you do anything more with it.

Thanks! I’m so embarrassed about that typo. This is actually part of a larger story that is just forming in my mind, so I wanted to put this out there.

I agree with john. You gave us just enough to want more.

What a suspenseful piece. The last line is perfection.