“Hold on, let me get this straight,” The President said. “We got Osama? Like got him got him?”

“Yes sir.”

“So he’s… “

“Deader than a doornail, sir.”

The room burst into applause, the Joint-Chiefs flailing about like a high school drill team.

The President leapt onto his desk and shouted, “Get that guy on the phone who’s always bashing me in those slanted movies!”

“Michael Moore?”

“No, the other one. The funny fella who only eats fast food and is always going around asking folks, Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden?“

“Anything in particular you want me to tell him, sir?”

“Tell him to screw off. Burn ‘em if you got ‘em, boys. It’s time to party like it’s 1999.”

And so they did. All through the night. Between the booze and the ‘medicinal’ marijuana, it was a surprise anybody could see straight, much less stand.

“Turn it to Fox News,” The President said, beaming. “Bet you it’s the top story!“

The somber anchor reported, “Breaking news: a gigantic meteor is headed straight for the earth…”