“All people who own Macs go to hell.” Tom said simply.

“Why?” I asked.

“Apple ran out of land to legally buy out to make room for their tech-support buildings, so Steven Jobs and The Wonderful Wizard of Woz sold what they thought was their souls in exchange for most of hell to make room for their Mac tech support service.” Tom said.

“Why would they do that?” I asked.

“Let’s face it, bud.” Tom said. “Macs are pieces of crap, they were and always will be. I’ve doomed Apple to business-time of inadequacy!!! MUAHAHAHAHA ” Tom’s laugh boomed through the room.

“Ok…” I said. “But how can they sell their souls when they don’t have ones?”

“They sold their sex lives.” Tom said.

“But how would the devil have any room for torture and stuff?” I asked.

“Trust me, working at a tech support facility for Apple is hell enough.” Tom sighed.